What You Should Have Figured Out After Three Dates

Really, by the end of three dates you should know whether you think this could turn into something serious. There are specific things you should ask if you don't think you really know if they are worth dating. This is for your sake before you waste more time on a dud.

1. How does he handle his debt? I realize money isn't really something that comes up in polite normal dating etiquette, but I'm challenging this rule. If you can manage to ask some questions without being too invasive about how he handles money the better off you will be. I mean do you really want to pursue someone who can't manage their money?
2. What is his career like? If you are someone who pictures the perfect evening as cuddling up to watch your favorite TV shows before bed and they work two jobs... that won't work. By the third date you should have had plenty of time to get past the typical "I hate my boss" and "I need to make this merger by Tuesday" bit. Ask them about their life schedule and what a typical evening is for them, that should tell you whether to hit the pavement for a better match.

A Wise Woman Once Said...

"Love is like vines. At the beginning, they start out small and grow upwards together. Although, throughout time they either grow and entwine together, or start to grow apart." - Jamie Cook

I couldn't agree more with this wise woman. When a relationship first starts you are like two vines that are just trying to grow into a full and successful relationship. There comes a time in the relationship where you need to start nourishing your relationship with new stimulation and it takes hard work to keep growing. It's about keeping the connection with the other person and if you let something start to lack then you will start to grow apart.  But, there is hope for you wandering vines. If you find yourself drifting apart, ask for help. Obviously what you're doing isn't working for you two and maybe a fresh perspective is all you need. So start asking close friends what works for them and you'll be surprised by how creative some people can be when it comes to making love work. Because love takes work and this work will create the direction you need to have your vines intertwine together again. 

Tip of the Day

Ask "How did you do it?"

I can't think of anything better than asking an older couple how they met. Listening to stories about meeting at a carnival or at the local shake shack can be a great way to spend an afternoon. While these days technology has taken over and communication is instantaneous, think about a time when that wasn't possible. I'm sure it was a lot more exciting receiving a letter in the mail than 30,000 texts each day. So take the time to listen to a few stories from the masters of good old fashion courtship and take some notes. Maybe even go as far as taking a few days off technology and just communicate through letters, if you can. Never know what kind of feelings will surface when access is restricted. 

Take Inspiration From Others

It only makes sense that you should use inspiration from people around you. If you have a friend or family member who has a relationship that is truly fantastic, take the time to ask them how they make it work. Obviously, since every couple is different you should pick and choose what will work for you, but there is nothing better then free advice.
In recent weeks I have pretty much asked everyone I know about their relationships, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It has been great to learn what led to the "spark" and how it evolved into a relationship. One common consistency between all the healthy relationships was the fact that communication was the most important thing to them.
I recently read an article about the oldest living couple. They have been married for 85 years and now reside in James City, NJ. They say there isn't one secret to longevity in a relationship, but they recommend arguing at least once a day. I'm going to go ahead and say that that's pretty good advice as long as its constructive communication. Don't pick at someone just to have a conversation. This couple certainly inspires me!

Tip of the Day

Keep It Classy

Women's Focus: There is something to be said about women who keep is classy. While I fail to believe that classy women are a dying breed, I think some need a little guidance in the right direction. Dressing for a date shouldn't be like dressing for a night club. The term less is more is NOT appropriate in the dating world. Women want to be mysterious and sexy, right?  Well, you aren't conveying either with your ladies showing. Here are some quick ideas for appropriate outfits for special dating occasions.

All Day Date.

Adventure/ Exploring Quaint Towns Date.

1st Date.

Dinner & Drinks Date.

If you have more questions post them as comments and I'll respond as quickly as possible. Or look for me on http://lookville.com, the site where all fashion questions are answered and THE DATE PLANNER is featured! 

Refining The Long Distance Dating Stigma

I'm saying it right now..... IT CAN WORK! People are so technologically connected these days there is no reason why a long distance relationship can not work. It just takes a very honest couple where both are secure with themselves as individuals. By no means am I saying it isn't hard. I can say from personal experience that I have had one successful and one unsuccessful long distance relationship. The unsuccessful one failed due to lack of communication. The successful one is so successful because we take the time to MAKE time for the other person. While mine is only an hour and half away, longer distances aren't doomed. 

One way to really feel connected electronically is "skype." It is said that men build attraction and a connection through sight, while women build both through sound. Skype allows for both the sound of the man's voice to set off triggers of attraction and the visual stimulus that men need. 

While all this so far has been good, eventually you'll need to have a physical connection to seal your bond. 

It might be perfectly healthy for you to go up to a year without seeing each other, but I would recommend as much travel as economically possible to have the best success. Recommendation: Plus, if you date someone not from your area you'll be able to plan exciting "adventure" dates to explore new towns or cities. 

Tip of the Day

Embrace Your Differences 

Yes, while having common interests is a major score in the love department, embracing your differences is essential to a great connection. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are dating your clone.. don't expect the "sparks" to last.  Thriving relationships are based on learning new things and the happiest couples are able to keep it exciting and fresh. So when you're first starting to date someone, don't sweat the small stuff. If he LOVES Chinese food and the "SAW" movies, and you kinda throw up a little thinking about both, no worries. Ten to one, he really doesn't appreciate your love of cats and the bright colors you've used to decorate your apartment. So don't jump to conclusions on the small differences and try to live a little outside your comfort bubble. Maybe someday you'll learn to appreciate the "flashlight on the gun." (Last statement dedicated to Caleb)

The Four Stages Of Dating

For those of you that have been through the dating scene for awhile you have probably realized at some point you move through stages. Although the time table varies from couple to couple, I have found that there are defining moments that take place in relationships. It's how you move through these stages as a couple that determines your lasting capability.

Stage 1: '1st- 5th dates' These first few dates are critical when it comes to building a foundation to grow. Everything is new and exciting with your new companion and you sometimes go through the "Oh my Gosh, I love that, too!" period. While showing the other person your best qualities and ambitions is very fun, make sure you take a few moments to really get to know if this relationship is worth pursuing or a waste of time.

Stage 2: '1 month- 1 year' By this point you should have developed some sort of comfort level where honesty and trust are being built. During this period you're probably meeting his/her family, meeting each others friends, and riding in the car in comfortable silence. Also, you will have started to share the deep thoughts and feelings about life and love, which will be a great way to build a foundation of trust.

Stage 3: '1 year- 3 years' Mastering this stage is critical to a successful relationship. During this stage you will be stealing food off the other's plate, finally meeting the crazy uncle you have been hiding them from, taking vacations, and thinking about or already moving in together. The future is a very big topic during this stage because by this point if your visions aren't headed in the same direction... hit the road. Spending a year with someone is more than enough time to figure out if they are someone you want to spend the next week with, let alone the rest of your life.

Stage 4: '3 years- on' Once you have entered the long awaited 4th stage you are in the money spot. By now you have so many inside jokes its hard to keep count. You are a pro at holiday family gatherings because you know exactly what her mom wants to hear or have memorized the stories his grandpa will tell again. Also, the 4th stage is the spot where you have experienced life lessons such as a death of a family member, a wedding, etc. These life lessons should be your guide as to whether you are meant to be together. If you lost a grandparent and your partner wasn't really there for you, is that what you want? If you got a promotion at work, did they get excited WITH you because they know you genuinely deserved it? These are situations you need to evaluate.

Tip of the Day

First Date Places to Avoid like the Plague! 

1. Family Functions. This is really, really NOT a good idea for a first date. Nothing is more awkward than your date meeting your weird uncle or grandparents when you barely know the person yourself. Please.... steer clear!
2. Dance Clubs. This is pretty much common sense. If you go to a dance club you can't think or talk. Leave this idea for a night out with the girls. 
3. Movies: Hands down the movie theater is the most popular date night idea of the decade. Reason why? It's easy... and boring. No one really wants to go see a movie on the first date. You can't talk, you have to decide if you should touch hands, you have to pick a movie you'll both like, and you have to awkwardly ignore the couple in front of you making out. This idea is very junior high so lets keep the movies to the 3rd or 4th date. 

Planning Dates Around Your Sign

So in my recent studies I have come across a wonderful book called Your Wedding Astrologer by Karen Christino. While the wedding part didn't so much interest me, the section on dating very much did. Discussing Astrological signs is a fun way to spend an evening especially with a fun book or google search to guide your conversation. Here is was Karen had to say about each sign and there favorite dates:

Aries: Speeding down a mountain on a motorcycle, biking, roller-blading, sharing a fast dinner or a fast car will leave you wanting more.

Taurus: Mellow and relaxed times are your best bets. Try country music or oldies concerts, or a three-course meal at a romantic restaurant.

Gemini: You like to stay on the go, so a trip downtown, to the mall, or to a party or new restaurant are all tops with you.

Cancer: Try snuggling together with a bowl or popcorn to watch a DVD, or sharing a luscious dessert at an outdoor cafe or coffee house.

Leo: Getting dressed up for a special occasion like anniversaries, birthday parties, or weddings really thrills you.

Virgo: You're down to earth but also appreciate quality. You'll have fun picnicking at the park, walking in the woods, or having a special lunch at a fine restaurant.

Libra: You love being a hostess and should have a blast entertaining at home. Or try classy times at art galleries, the theater, a fancy club, or great restaurant.

Scorpio: As long as you're alone with your guy, you won't care where you are! But you'll flip for sharing a corner table at an intimate restaurant or hanging in the den with some great CD's or thriller movies.

Sagittarius: You'll enjoy roller-blading, horseback riding, skeet shooting, or simply going for long drives. Sporting events, petting zoos, or action/adventure movies together are also high on your list.

Capricorn: You like calm, serene surroundings and would appreciate upscale restaurants, classical or oldies concerts, or lunch in the park or garden cafe. Or try a natural history museum or architectural tour.

Aquarius: You'll groove on sharing a sci-fi epic together, shooting a video, or going out with a group to the movies, a cyber- cafe, or a planetarium.

Pisces: Simple things like watching the sun set or the stars come out will touch your soul. Sharing a boat ride or a shady bench in a quiet park will warm your heart.

Thoughts?

Tip of the Day

Sexy G-rated activities

1. Hold Hands. This one makes sense because you can mean a lot of different things by holding your love's hand. Plus it you rub the sensitive patch between the fingers it sets off the oxytocin in that person and they will want to get closer. 
2. Cook Together.  Well... why not? 
3. Chores Together. Doing something mundane like chores together will get them done faster and you'll have more fun, which will leave time for other things. 
4. Stare at Each Other. Apparently, at Quaker weddings the bride and groom stare at each other until someone feels that God wills them to speak. This can last up to an hour, but I would just suggest until you both fall into a fit of giggles. 
5. Flattery. Who doesn't like flattery? Plus this might be the perfect time to tell him/her how you feel about a certain thing they do or wear that really makes them shine. 

Confessions Of A Successful Online Dater

So I have been asking a lot of dating questions lately to pretty much everyone I know and I was pleasantly surprised by one fact. There are a lot of people who are trying online dating. This is fantastic because people are realizing there are other wonderful human beings outside their little community bubble. I recently had a chat with one of my co-works Angie who is now in a successful marriage, but it all started with online dating. After falling completely in love with her love story I decided she would be the perfect one to give me tips about how to have a successful online dating experience. Here's what she had to say.

1. Be yourself. "It sounds so cliche' but it's so true!" - Angie. Really it makes complete sense to be exactly who you are. If you end up thinking you have a true connection with someone you can't say "oh, well who I have been acting like really isn't me at all," and hope to salvage the relationship. Be yourself from the beginning and then build from there. 
2. Be smart and safe. From what I understand there are A LOT of creepers out there on the Internet trying to manipulate stupid women. Angie used a fake name and this is something I would very much recommend. You can find so much information about someone through their name these days. It pays to be safe. Yes, this kinda goes against the be yourself, but really, you can very easily clear up why you chose a different name... not a different personality. 
3. Be aware of creeps. This is pretty much self explanatory. Follow Rule #2. 
4. Have a quick get away or go someplace where you know the staff.  Angie decided to meet her blind date at a local bar where she knew all the employees. That way if she waved her menu in the air they would come to her rescue. This is a smart idea for the "30 something hunk with a little beer belly" that turns out to be the "55 year old man with a yellow, stained beard and a nappy tooth."

Online dating can be a creepy experience, but when done right you might just find the love of your life and have some wonderful traveling in your future! 

8 Days A Week!

Following The Beatles Advice

I have been on a Beatles kick these days and it seems like most of their love songs really have advice for everything. It's GREAT! Anyways, the point is that their song "8 days a week" is something you should be upholding in your love life. There really isn't enough time in a week to show someone how special or how much you care. I realize the holidays season seems like the perfect time to say "I love you," but you really should be doing it every single chance you get.

So in the spirit of giving and "8 days a week", here are 8 ways to say "I love you" or "I care" on the cheap!

1. Make a burnt cd with his/her favorite songs that they can listen to on the way to work.

2. Prepare a bubble bath after a long day.

3. Prepare their favorite dinner.

4. Just make time to relax and talk about short term goals, or plan a dream vacation you'll someday want to take together.

5. Read their favorite book or watch their favorite movie so you can talk about it together.

6. Send them a random text during the day just saying "I love you."

7. Offer a massage with no intention of getting one back.

8.  Write them a love note/letter, depending on how much you want to say.

Tip of the Day

FACT or FICTION: 90% Man/ 10% Woman

I'm going to to have to agree with Will Smith as "Hitch" when he suggested the 90/10 rule. At the end of every traditional first date there is a moment where it just feels like you should kiss (i.e. front door step). When in this situation it is not only polite, but also cautious (for the nervous male) to lean in 90% of the way and then let the woman lean the last 10%. Also, it gives some space which allows someone who might not be comfortable about kissing on the first date a way out.  It's a good rule to live by, but there are some instances where this rule might not be necessary. For instance, don't take her on a traditional  'dinner and a movie' date. By suggesting something with a little more spice or romance you might even be able to find the perfect opportunity before the nights end. Then, when you get to the door step a kiss will be smooth and will have her thinking about it for the rest of the night. 

10 Quirky Facts about Kissing

I thought these were some fun facts that everyone should know about kissing. Since it's a pretty simple task there really isn't much instruction, so just relax and enjoy these facts brought to you by Happening Magazine.

1. Two out of every three couples turn their heads to the right when they kiss.

2. A simple peck uses two muscles; a passionate kiss, on the other hand, uses all 34 muscles in your face. Now that’s a rigorous workout!

3. Like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two lip impressions are alike.

4. Kissing is good for what ails you. Research shows that the act of smooching improves our skin, helps circulation, prevents tooth decay, and can even relieve headaches.

5. The average person spends 336 hours of his or her life kissing.

6. Ever wonder how an “X” came to represent a kiss? Starting in the Middle Ages, people who could not read used an X as a signature. They would kiss this mark as a sign of sincerity. Eventually, the X came to represent the kiss itself.

7. Talk about a rush! Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters in our brains as parachuting, bungee jumping, and running.

8. The average woman kisses 29 men before she gets married.

9. Men who kiss their partners before leaving for work average higher incomes than those who don’t.

10. The longest kiss in movie history was between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in the 1941 film, You’re in the Army Now. It lasted 3 minutes and 5 seconds. So if you’ve beaten that record, it’s time to celebrate!

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Questions To Keep In Mind In Case Of Awkward Pauses

It is always better to be safe then sorry and by being prepared with at least 3 questions you'll be pretty safe. No matter how much you connect with someone on a date there is a potential for the awkward moment or two. So if you are the one that saves the moment with a new exciting topic... you win! Not only do you win the moment for a good save, but most likely another date as well.

Possible Questions:
Job related:
1. What do you love most about your job?
2. What job did you have growing up? Then possibly share a funny story from your awkward DQ or McDonald's days.
3. If money was no object, what would you do for a year? Or with your life?

Movie or Book related:
What was your favorite movie when you were a kid?
What movie completely freaked you out and its probably slightly embarrassing now?
What's the worst book forced upon you to read during school?

Now here are some questions to COMPLETELY avoid, but seem harmless.

1. Will you share an embarrassing moment with me? Why would they? Just so you could turn around and post it as your Facebook status if the date turns out badly. I think not.
2. How's the date going? Now near the end of the date this could be fine if you really are feeling good about this person, but other than that, stay away. If they are blunt then they could crush your enthusiasm and if they are too nice they might lead you into false excitement, but never call you again. 

Tip of the Day

Approach and Conquer

If not now.. when? Seriously. If everyone didn't approach dating with this mentality no one would be in love. Eventually you'll come to a point where the opportunity just won't be there anymore because another 'conquerer' approached before you. Don't put it off till tomorrow when a relationship opportunity is in front of you today. 

3 Quick Dating Etiquette Tips

While there is A LOT more to dating etiquette then one would imagine, here are three quick tips to get you through a date. 

1. Show up on time. While some would say "even early"... I wouldn't recommend that. Some girls will be late no matter how hard they try, while others will be ready an hour early. You just can't predict this fact, so play it safe. Date is set for 7pm... be there at 7pm. Seasonal tip: Be smart. If it's winter do a girl a favor and leave the car running so it will stay warm. 
2. Don't bring up religion, sex, or politics. This tip you really should have learned growing up, but literally 9 out of 10 leads to disaster on a date. Only times to break this rule is if you met under circumstances where it was relevant (i.e. Political convention, church group, etc.) Although I'm not saying to never bring it up. Eventually it does and even if you do end up disagreeing, hopefully, you will have given the person enough time to decide you really are a decent person despite being a Republican (or vice versa). 
3. Dating is supposed to be fun and both parties should be contributing ideas. Ladies, you can't go into a date expecting the man to be prepared for every awkward silence or have an idea for each date. Men you can't just ask a girl out on a date and think your job is done. To have a date that is both fun and goes smoothly, both parties need to participate to have an enjoyable evening. 

Exciting New Events!!

Anyone around here notice there really isn't a dating scene? Although there are many places in Columbus and the surrounding areas for singles to meet each other, some environments don't allow people to make a connection. Not only does a person need to feel confident while dating, but they also need to feel comfortable about their surroundings. That's where we come in.  Soon The Dating Planner will be hosting singles events in Columbus and its surrounding counties. Some events will be relaxed, others will be business casual, and others will just be crazy fun.  Some ideas for upcoming themes will be Animal Lovers (ages 18-30), Faith Based (18- 30) & (30 & up), Middle of the Road (30-45), Sports (21 & up), Travel (21 & up), Better with Age (50 & up), Music, & Movies. Dates, Times, and Locations will be announced soon!!

Tip of the Day

GET OUT!!!!!

One of the best ways to bond is through physical activity. Being able to have a similar experience together will not only create great stories, but will also establish a good base for an adventurous relationship. If lack of funds is your excuse visit adventures4smiley.wordpress.com for some great ideas for dating adventures that are CHEAP!

Scents that Men Love and Hate

I recently heard on the radio that the most appealing smell to men is the smell of warm pumpkin pie.

Huh?

Well according to Dr. Alan Hirsch, Director of Chicago's Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Center, "Throw away the perfume and go get some pumpkin pie." You mean I can throw away all those expensive Victoria Secret perfumes I have been buying for years? This goes against everything girls were told, shown in movies, and magazines. PUMPKIN PIE?!

Well after this mind blowing revelation I did more research on the matter. It turns out that women really are being mislead by places like Macy's, Victoria Secret, and Nordstroms. Men don't like scents that smell like desserts, floral arrangements (no shocker there), fruity body splashes, and baby powder. They are more aroused by scents such as fresh citrus, spicy florals, woody florals, and clean scents.

So the next time you go to reach for your $50 bottle of Romance by Ralph Lauren.. don't. The men want  you smelling like a nice, warm Thanksgiving dessert.

Thoughts?

Tip of the Day

Candle Lit Dinner

Men this is your time to say to your love, "I love you. I want to impress you. I'm romantic." Nothing melts the heart like food, wine, and candles. The mood lighting encourages deep thoughts and soft voices. The softer your voice the closer she has to lean in to hear you and be engaged in the conversation. There is a reason why every romantic movie has a scene with a candle lit dinner. It works!

Top 10 Romantic Holiday Dating Ideas

As the Holiday Season is really starting to get in full swing it definitely appears that romance is in the air. Ironically, even with all this romantic air being shoved in our faces daily there just never seems to be enough time for it. Between job, shopping, sleeping, baking, wrapping, making, sewing, blah, blah, blah, etc. Who has time to romance someone?

Well, with some prior planning to this dilemma and a little bit of research I found 10 romantic things to do with a significant other on the cheap. Since we are all trying to buy the best gifts and still stay in the black with our bank accounts, here are some tips.

Number 10: Link arms and window shop through an outdoor mall (i.e. Easton Towne Center) I’m not going to lie… this was literally the most wonderful thing to do on the first cold day of the season. Window shopping allows you to browse through stores you normally would not shop at, such as Tiffany’s & Co. or Crate and Barrel. Each of these stores brings out a new side of you the other person might not know about and creates great stories. Plus it’s free… except for lunch, but that’s a necessary expense. Side Note: Leave your wallet in the car to eliminate unnecessary spending.

Number 9: Decorate a tree or pretty much any part of your living space together. I have decorated the same banister in our house for 6 years and this is the first year I actually enjoyed every second. It’s hard to explain, but this banister has been the bane of my holiday existence and Caleb actually made it fun. I would definitely recommend listening to christmas music you both can sing along to! Side Note: Pick a space and take turns.. when you get tired or bored lay down on the floor surrounded by the mess and admire your work so far.

Number 8: Make your christmas gifts for each other’s parents. Just make sure they are good ideas and fabulously executed. Don’t give your parents a crappy gift because that’s only acceptable when you were 10. I can’t go into detail about this one because my mom reads my blog. Get creative!

Number 7: Sit by a Christmas tree and tell each other stories about your favorite Holiday memories. Obviously swapping stories about your childhood christmas is a great way to bond. I would recommend keeping the tragic stories about Fido dying or how you didn’t give Stretch Arm Strong when you were 10 for a later date. This experience should be about the good memories and possibly about future Christmases to come.. 

Number 6: Buy two candy cane hot chocolates from Tim Hortons. We discovered this delicious treat this past weekend and if you are willing to put your diet on hold for a hot second… it’s totally worth it. Chocolate releases endorphins which is also associated with the feeling of being in love. So take a careful sip of this hot treat and a good long look at your huni because both of you will be feeling the love.

Number 5: Rent a Christmas Movie you both enjoy quoting. This one is pretty much self-explanatory. Who wouldn’t want to spend an evening quoting ELF?

Number 4: Make gingerbread houses to be table center pieces. (You may add children to this activity if you wish) For the past 3 years my mother and I have made gingerbread houses and it has literally become my favorite tradition. Swap Caleb in for Mom and this will be a very cute way to spend an afternoon being playful and creative. Creativity fuels the romance in a relationship… I read that somewhere. Anyways… All you need are eggs (mixed with sugar to make the glue), graham crackers, M&Ms, and gum drops. With these essentials you’ll be spending just over $10 and building a tradition that is totally awesome.

Number 3: Hold hands and take a walk at night in the snow. I literally don’t think there is anything more romantic than the first snow fall at night. Something about being surrounded by the perfect little flakes, preferably near an old fashion lamp-post, just gets my heart a-fluttering.

Number 2: Experience the Christmas lights at your local Zoo. Going to the zoo during Christmas time is an experience I’ll  never forget. Admission for two adults is about $24 unless you are lucky enough to get some sort of discount. After wandering around the place make sure to check to see if your Zoo offers a light show. The one at the Columbus Zoo is absolutely mind-blowing. Side Note:  I would recommend getting there at 5pm when they open because no one is there yet and the animals are eating dinner. Two very good things: No pushy little kids and very cute animals munching away!

Number 1: Buy some Mistletoe. This is my number one favorite romantic thing because it is sooooo simple, but gives the best stomach butterflies. You can pick up a fake mistletoe piece at your local grocery store like Walmart or Meijer for under $2 or make your own. Then, just stick it over a doorway both you and your love muffin walk under frequently and BOOM… you’re kissing every other trip down the stairs!

So even though you are probably starting to stress out because you haven’t found the perfect gift for your significant other… take the time to be romantic. I guarantee this holiday season will be a lot more fun and it’s a good way to end the year with lots of love.